Doctor Who: Capper
by Jesse Shearer
Summary: The Ninth Doctor, Rose, and Adam meet a comedian who desperately wishes to change his past and is willing to steal the TARDIS to do so. [This is a selfinsertion story.]


Warp Power Studios and Theaters presents:

A J. Michael Shearer production.

"Doctor Who: Capper"

by Jesse Shearer

"Too bad about the Dalek," Rose Tyler commented as she, the Doctor, and Adam cruised through time onboard the TARDIS.

"For the best that it's dead, though," the Doctor replied. "It would have destroyed the Earth as we, well, you, know it if you'd let it live."

"I know," Rose sighed. "But still, it seems such a shame to have ordered it to commit suicide."

"So, just what can this… TARDIS… do, anyway Doctor?" Adam asked. "Is it a space ship?"

"More a time ship, but pretty much, yeah," the Doctor explained.

"So, we can go anywhere in history?" Adam wondered.

"Anywhere and anywhen," the Doctor explained. "Now's not the best time to explain, so if you'll hold all questions until we've come to a complete stop…"

As the Doctor spoke, Adam wandered over to a console and began studying it.

"Where to from here?" Rose asked.

"I'm thinking the year two-hundred-thousand should hold your interest," the Doctor said.

"Do they do telly broadcasts from there?" Adam asked.

"Some," the time traveler replied. "Why do you ask?"

"I'd certainly like to see them filming the program I've got here," Adam explained. "It looks quite fun."

"Let me see," Rose said, as she approached the screen and watched for a moment before her expression changed. "Hold on, something doesn't look quite right."

"You're right," the Doctor agreed, after having come to see for himself.

"How so?" Adam asked. "It looks normal to me."

"First off, that's not coming from two-hundred-thousand," the Doctor explained as he punched a few buttons on the panel by the screen. "It's all wrong for that era. Summer 2007 was millennia before the era we're headed for."

"And?" asked Rose.

"That man," the Doctor said, pointing to a fat, bearded man with glasses dressed in red and blue who was flirting with another character, "does not belong there."

"So, we know when it's coming from," Adam noted. "But where is it coming from?"

"American Midwest," the Doctor answered. "A place called Brookings, South Dakota."

What seemed to be a moment later to those aboard the TARDIS, the vehicle materialized in the parking lot of an apartment building in Brookings, South Dakota on a nice August afternoon. As the Doctor and his companions exited, a somewhat worn-looking car with a bad muffler pulled into the lot and parked near the TARDIS.

"Sounds like somebody needs a new muffler," Rose commented as the new vehicle's driver climbed out of his driver's seat and approached them. The person who got out looked exactly like the misplaced character they'd seen in the video they'd watched before materializing.

"That's a funny place for a phone booth, doncha think, Doctor?" the man asked. "I mean, right there in the middle of the driving lane?"

"I suppose it is," the Doctor replied. "But, if I may enquire, how did you know I was the Doctor?"

"I've seen you around," the man said. "You're the Doctor, to your right is your lovely companion Rose Tyler, and that other guy over there is… is…, well, do you prefer Adam or Jack?"

"Adam," he replied. "My name is Adam."

"But how do you know who we are?" Rose asked.

"Yea," the Doctor continued. "With only a few exceptions, Rose here being one of them, humans generally aren't that clever."

"Well, why not come on up to my apartment and I'll explain," the man offered.

"Why? We don't even know your name," Adam said.

"Silly me. All this and I still haven't introduced myself," the man said, extending a hand towards the Doctor. "Jesse Shearer. I'm a transcriptionist at the city hospital. Won't you come in?"

"If it's the only way to get answers for what's going on here," the Doctor said, without moving.

"Right this way," Jesse said, as he led the way into the apartment building. "You see, in my spare time, I'm also a capper."

"A what?" the Doctor asked.

"A capper," Jesse said again. "Basically, what it is, is there's various groups of us on the Internet, and we mock stills from various movies, TV shows, and the like. One of the standard programs at the site I most often use is based on you guys."

"I don't think I understand," Adam said, as Jesse unlocked the door to his apartment.

"I think it would be best if I just showed you," Jesse explained, opening his door and leading his guests in. "We'll have to get on the Internet for that. Right down here."

As they passed through the kitchen area, Rose noticed a picture on one of the bulletin boards. It was of a reddish curtain surrounding a comic cut out of a newspaper. The comic was of four golfers out on the course. Three were at the edge of a water trap; the fourth was neck deep in the water, with his club raised menacingly above his head. Beneath it, in yellow hand-drawn block letters was the name JMShearer, and a quote in blue crayon that read "Joe's gotta learn to keep his balls away from those rabid turtles."

"What's this?" Rose asked.

"That," Jesse replied, pointing at the picture, "that is capping. Made that eight or ten years ago now, when I was going to college. Usually, I keep that one covered up better. Not quite fair use, you see."

"Well, my curiosity's up," the Doctor said.

"The computer's in the first room on the right," Jesse said, "but while we're here, can I get you something to drink? I've got fruit punch and about five kinds of pop in the fridge."

"I'll have some punch," Adam accepted.

"I'll pass, thanks," Rose said.

"Me, too," the Doctor agreed.

"Well, then, let's go have a look, shall we?" Jesse asked, directing his guests to the computer room. "Everything should be set up because I leave the computer on and set to the main capping page."

"Doesn't that get expensive?" Adam asked between sips of his drink.

"It works out in the end. The couple extra bucks a month I pay on the electric bill each month is worth a slightly lower heat bill in the winter," Jesse explained as they entered the computer room. "Just have a seat there and go through something."

Rose took the chair while the Doctor, Adam, and Jesse gathered around her to see where she'd start looking.

"Oh, hey, I remember this show," Rose commented, clicking on one of the links. "Just loved it in high school."

"Yes," Jesse said. "Sonic Underground was one of my favorites in college, as well."

"These are pretty good," Adam commented, as he read the assorted captions for the images at the top of each new Web page. "I can see why you enjoy it so much."

"Yeah," the Doctor agreed. "Are you all this clever?"

"For the most part," Jesse answered. "Some moreso than others."

"How so?" Rose asked.

"Well, this one for example," Jesse explained. "We'd all probably thought that same line, but we all seemed to let the G-Man there actually say it."

On the screen was a picture of a tall anthropomorphic wolf strangling a much smaller purple hedgehog, with a caption from a person calling himself "GlitterRock" reading "Bad Wolf! No biscuit!"

"Funny," Rose commented, "but I don't quite get yours. 'Hands off, she's mine!'?"

"What can I say, I've got an odd fantasy life," Jesse explained. "Anyway, I was going to get some dinner before I sat down for a session. Care to join me?"

"What're you having?" Adam asked.

"Normally, I'd just order in a pizza, but since I've got such honored guests, I'll take you someplace. What does everybody like?"

"Any local cuisine would be fine with me," the Doctor recommended.

"Sounds good to me," Rose said.

"Me, too," Adam agreed.

"Well, then, Café Ruby it is," Jesse exclaimed. "And when we're done there, we'll stop by the Dairy-Micro building on campus. They have some of the best ice cream you've ever tasted there, and I've got five bucks for anyone who disagrees."

As the foursome ate and traveled about the city of Brookings, they told stories of their different exploits. While most of the stories the Doctor and Rose told were exciting, and Jesse's tended to be funny, many of Adam's tended to be dull with a few interesting bits. When the group arrived on the campus of the city's university, the Doctor noticed a subtle change in Jesse.

"Man, I love this place," Jesse commented as he searched for a parking spot near his destination. "Went to school here in the late 1990s. Studied to be a journalist, you know."

"Really? Why didn't that work out?" Rose inquired.

"Eh, didn't quite get the internship requirement filled," Jesse explained. "It's one of the few things in my life I wish I could do over. But, it worked out in the end, I guess. I like working at the hospital well enough, too."

"Hey, there's a spot," the Doctor noted, indicating an open space in a nearby parking lot.

"Got it," Jesse acknowledged, as he entered the lot and pulled into the open space.

"Too bad you didn't get your first choice of careers," Adam remarked as they headed for a building with the words "Dairy-Microbiology" bolted to the wall.

"Oh, it's not that bad," Jesse replied. "I've had worse. Believe me, I've had worse. But that's all behind me now."

"Well, that's good," Rose said.

"Anyway, wait here a minute," Jesse said. "I'll go see if they're still open."

"We'll be waiting," Rose told him as he dashed down some steps and into the building.

"Better keep an eye on him when he gets back," the Doctor commented. "I think he's gonna try to pull something."

"Like what?" Adam asked.

"Not sure yet," the Doctor explained, "but whatever it is, it probably isn't good."

"A nice guy like him?" Rose asked. "What kind of no good could he be up to?"

"We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?" the Doctor retorted.

"Hey!" Jesse shouted from the door. "They're just closing up, but they'll give us five minutes if we'll get cones to go!"

"Let's go, then," Rose replied. "I can't wait to try some of this."

After a few minutes of deliberation, everybody had a choice in mind.

"Ah, OK, this will all be the medium cones to go," Jesse said. "I'll have the mint chocolate chip."

"Strawberry for me, please," Rose continued.

"I'll try the bubblegum," Adam followed.

"Chocolate's fine for me," the Doctor finished. As they left, Rose and Adam admitted that they were impressed with their choices.

"This almost tastes like they somehow got the cream for it out of a strawberry," Rose commented.

"And I think…" Adam began, before removing something from his mouth. "Mine does! It has real gumballs in it!"

"Every bit as good as I said, right?" Jesse remarked.

"And then some," the Doctor noted.

"How about a tour of the campus?" Adam suggested.

"Sure," Jesse accepted. As they walked around the college, Jesse recalled some, often funny, memories of his life on campus. At his old dorm, he recalled the after-dinner discussion group he'd been in with some old high school classmates, held by one of the doorwells. As they passed the journalism building, he explained that he'd never really been in the building as they saw it, because it had been completely remodeled his last year there, and didn't reopen until after he'd graduated with a general ed degree. After a few other stops, the group returned to Jesse's car for the return trip to his apartment complex and the TARDIS.

Once the four had re-entered Jesse's apartment, the capper put his keys on the kitchen counter, hoping that one of his guests would absent-mindedly copy him. Fortunately for him, Rose wound up tossing her TARDIS key on the counter as well.

"How about a little after-dinner capping?" Jesse suggested to his guests.

"Sure," Adam agreed.

"Sounds fun," Rose commented.

"Why don't you three head on down to the computer room," Jesse told his guests, having noted Rose's actions. "I'm going to go get some folding chairs out of my car, and then I'll be right with you."

"Right on, then," the Doctor said, following his companions to the computer area. The threesome looked at some of the new additions for a moment before the Doctor got a funny look on his face.

"Rose, where's your TARDIS key?" the Doctor asked his companion.

"What?" Rose asked.

"Your TARDIS key," the Doctor repeated. "Where is it?"

"It's in my pocket," the young lady replied, reaching into her jeans pocket. "Wait, no it's not. I must've put it on the counter with Jesse's car keys."

"Fantastic," the Doctor scolded, making a frustrated face. "That stupid ape might actually manage to make off with my ship."

"What are his chances?" Adam asked.

"Normally, I'd say not good," the Doctor explained, "but our fat friend seems almost as clever as you are. He might actually be able to pull it off."

"Shouldn't we go stop him?" Rose asked, prompting all three to dash from the computer room to the kitchen, where a window overlooking the parking lot revealed Jesse taking a duffel bag and a black leather satchel from the trunk of his car.

"You two wait here," the Doctor instructed. "I'll go after him alone."

"But…" Adam protested.

"Trust me on this," the Doctor interrupted as he ran out. Unfortunately, by the time he reached the parking lot, Jesse had already gained entry to the TARDIS and engaged it's time circuits.

"Suckers," Jesse thought as he traveled through timespace. "Now to go get that internship in Mobridge and save myself six years of misery."

A moment later, the TARDIS appeared behind the long hedge of an upscale house. Within, Jesse quickly removed a picture and a suit from the duffel bag and began changing his apparel to match the picture. Once he had finished, he picked up an air pistol and his satchel and exited the timeship. After a moment of lurking behind the hedge, Jesse watched a young man dressed exactly like him pass. A second later, Jesse raised the gun and fired a tranquilizer dart into his doppelganger's neck, hitting him squarely in the spine. When the passer fell, Jesse dropped the gun in his satchel and rushed by, pretending not to notice the person on the sidewalk, even as a crowd gathered.

Jesse quickly reached his destination on the third floor of a nearby building. Not long after, the interview was in progress.

"Jesse Shearer," Jesse introduced himself. "It's an honor to meet you, sir."

"Thomas Garnet, Mobridge Tribune," the man introduced himself. "Professor Johnstone says good things about you. Where should we begin?"

"How about with some writing samples?" Jesse suggested, pulling a folder from his bag.

"Sounds good," Garnet agreed.

"This first piece is a letter to the editor of the Sioux Falls Argus Leader my senior year of high school," Jesse explained, setting a clipping down in front of his interviewer. "I'm rather proud of that one."

"Anything more recent?" Garnet asked.

As the interview proceeded, the head of the journalism department and Professor Johnstone, the internship coordinator, were getting startling news about Jesse from a campus security officer.

"You're kidding," Johnstone remarked, upon hearing that Jesse was being taken to the city hospital after being paralyzed from the neck down by a drugged dart.

"Well, this is the official campus ID card we found on him," the officer explained, turning over a card bearing a picture of a clean-shaven Jesse. "It's authentic."

"If he's on his way to the hospital, then who's the guy interviewing for the internship?" Johnstone wondered.

"Let's go find out," Johnstone's superior suggested. A moment later, the three entered the interview room to confront Jesse.

"Forgive us for interrupting," Johnstone said upon entering, "but who are you?"

"Me?" Jesse asked.

"Yes," the professor replied.

"I'm Jesse Shearer, sir," Jesse told him. "I've had classes with you for almost three years now."

"Can you show us your ID?" the security officer asked.

"Sure," Jesse agreed, pulling a green wallet with a key ring from his pocket and opening it to present an identification card to the officer.

"This is a fake," the officer said after examining the card for a moment.

"What do you mean?" Jesse asked.

"Apparently, it's not a real card," Johnstone said.

"How can that be?" Jesse wondered. "I got that from the ID office in the student union."

"Explain this, then," the officer said, handing over the card taken from the younger Jesse.

"I thought I'd lost this," Jesse explained, trying to cover for the fact that he'd really forgotten what his student ID looked like at the time. "Where did you find it?"

"On you," the officer told him. "As you were being taken to the hospital for paralysis."

"Would someone please explain this to me?" Garnet asked.

"This man isn't who he says he is," Johnstone replied.

"Yes I am," Jesse argued. "I'm Jesse Shearer."

"Then how do you explain the person we just sent to the hospital?" the security officer asked.

"And the fake ID?" Johnstone followed up.

"Simple mistakes," Jesse answered. "I hadn't intended for things to go the way they have."

"This is getting a little too weird," Garnet said, upon hearing this. "I'm sorry, sir, but as good as this interview has been, I'm afraid I can't hire you."

"No, wait!" Jesse exclaimed. "I am Jesse Shearer! I really am! Please! Give me a chance!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't," Garnet replied.

"Sir, I am placing you under arrest for identity theft," the security officer said, placing handcuffs on Jesse.

"I'm not lying about who I am!" Jesse proclaimed as the officer lead him away.

"Sorry about that, Tom," Johnstone told his guest after Jesse had been taken away. "I have no idea where that nutcase came from."

Meanwhile, back in 2007, history had obviously been changed as Adam and Rose had been chased out of what had been Jesse's apartment when they first arrived to find that the TARDIS had reappeared in the parking lot.

"Well, that was strange," Adam commented once he and Rose had rejoined the Doctor.

"How so?" the Doctor asked.

"I could have sworn we knew a man who lived in there," Adam explained, indicating the apartment complex. "Instead, the woman in the apartment said something about calling the police."

"Do either of you even remember why we're here?" Rose asked.

"I recall something about a telly broadcast, and coming to look into it," Adam answered.

"More importantly, how did the TARDIS make it back?" the Doctor mused.

"Was it gone?" Rose asked him.

"Yeah," the Doctor explained. "The guy doing what you called the telly broadcast managed to abscond with it. Whatever he did when he went mucking about in history sent it back."

"That must be why I remember something about a comedian," Adam commented. "Didn't somebody say something about messing up a chance for a journalism career?"

"That would be our TARDIS thief," the Doctor answered, somewhat dryly.

"Well, then, let's go!" Adam suggested.

"Oh, come on, you silly monkey," the Doctor chided, "we don't even know where to begin!"

"We might," Rose commented. "Didn't the guy we're looking for say something about attending university in this town?"

"Hey, yea," Adam remembered. "He was saying something about that, I think. And then, you told us to keep an eye on him, Doctor."

"Well, it's worth a shot," the Doctor agreed. "Let's go, then."

The trio arrived at their destination quickly via the time-ship and had found the man who had been Jesse's internship advisor in his office.

"Yes, I do remember that particular case," Johnstone said after hearing the Doctor's story. "It was very strange."

"Why?" Rose inquired. "What happened?"

"Well, it turns out that Shearer was taken to the hospital with a severe injury to his spine, caused by a tranquilizer dart," Johnstone explained. "And there was this guy that looked just like him, only aged about eight years or so, who tried to interview for him for an internship. Like I said, it was a really weird case, and I don't think it was ever solved."

"That may soon change," Adam commented.

"Really?" Johnstone asked, ingtrigued. "Why's that?"

"If it's going to be solved, we're the ones to do it," Rose said.

"Anyway," the Doctor continued, "when did you say this happened, again?"

"That would have been in February, 1999, I believe," Johnstone replied. "We were still in our temporary offices across Medary at the time. Just out of curiosity, when do you think you might have this figured out?"

"You'll know," the Doctor told him as the party turned to leave. "Trust me, you'll know."

"What now?" Rose asked as they returned to the TARDIS.

"Whatever Jesse did when he went back to 1999 almost certainly changed history in more ways than any of us should care to think about," the Doctor explained. "We are going to follow him and keep that from happening."

"How are we going to do that?" Adam inquired, concerned about a lack of even a way to make a plan.

"Any means necessary, Adam," the Doctor replied. "Any means necessary."

A moment later, the Doctor and his companions were headed through timespace for February, 1999. The Doctor held his vessel on course as Rose and Adam searched for a time signal that matched their own.

"I found it!" Rose proclaimed. "February 15, 1999, 2:30 PM!"

"On it!" the Doctor replied, setting his controls to take the ship there.

At the same moment, the 2007 version of Jesse was waiting outside the purloined TARDIS to ambush his younger self when the timeship vanished for a moment and then reappeared. Jesse watched for a moment, confused until the Doctor and his friends made their appearance. Jesse quickly turned his attention back to his twenty-one-year-old self, raising the dart pistol and preparing to fire.

"Stop!" the Doctor shouted, as he and his companions rushed their thirty year old target, nearly tackling him to prevent him from changing history.

"What are you doing? Let go of me!" Jesse demanded, struggling to get free. "I've got to do this!"

"Do you realize the mess that will make of history?" the Doctor asked him.

"Doctor…?" Rose said, trying to get the Time Lord to notice the crowd gathering around them.

"Well?" the Doctor persisted.

"Uh, Doctor…?" Adam chimed in, joining in Rose's effort.

"Answer me, you fat ape!" the Doctor demanded.

"I'd worry less about history if I were you, Doctor," Jesse told him. "If I were in your place, I'd be more worried about what the crowd in the present thinks."

"What?" the Doctor asked, somewhat confused.

"You're on a college campus, Doctor," Jesse explained. "Surely you realize how easily anything that looks like a fight gets noticed."

"Damn," the Doctor cursed as he looked around to see the crowd that had formed, as well as an approaching campus security officer.

"Is there something I can help you with?" the officer asked the foursome.

"Sorry to cause such a ruckus," the Doctor explained. "Just needed to have a word with my patient here."

"Your patient?" the officer repeated.

"Yes, you see, I'm a psychiatrist," the Doctor replied, showing the guard his psychic paper, which appeared to be a doctor's identification. "This man is my patient. Thinks he's a student here."

"Do you need assistance?" the officer offered.

"No, we've got the situation under control now," the Doctor replied.

"Thanks for the offer, though," Rose continued.

"OK, well, good luck, then," the officer said, before turning to break up the crowd.

"So, what were you thinking, anyway?" the Doctor asked Jesse. "Why'd you do all this?"

"You want the truth, don't you, Doctor?" Jesse asked, contemplating his answer. "I suppose if there's anybody that can handle it, it's you."

"Have at it, then," the Doctor requested.

"Have your friends let me go, first," Jesse asked.

"You heard him," the Doctor told Rose and Adam, who immediately released Jesse.

"Truth is, I could have been more than happy with my transcription job back in 2007, Doctor," Jesse began. "That job gave me everything most people hope for: good pay, decent benefits, good people to work with. Thing is, I had to go through five and a half years of misery to get it, and that might have been avoidable if I hadn't messed up the interview here. I could have had the internship I needed to move on to a career in journalism, and this might not have happened."

"So, what are you saying?" Rose asked. "That we're responsible for this?"

"Partly, yes," Jesse answered.

"I don't get it," Adam said.

"Well, your showing up with a time machine is the cause," Jesse explained. "And after all, we all have at least one moment in our lives we'd like to do over."

"And you saw this as a chance to redo one of yours," the Doctor continued.

"Naturally," Jesse agreed. "You'd have done the same, given the chance, right, Doctor?"

"No, actually, I wouldn't," the Doctor replied.

"Really?" Jesse asked.

"Really," the Doctor told him.

"To me, Doctor, that makes you at least one of three things: an idiot, a liar, or a hypocrite, and very possibly all three," Jesse said. "You've got a problem worth giving the world to solve if anyone does, and you're telling me that you wouldn't even take the chance to do it if the solution was practically handed to you."

"In a way, you're right," the Doctor agreed.

"In which way?" Jesse asked.

"All of it," the Doctor told him. "I do have something worth giving a world, several worlds, actually, for. But that doesn't necessarily mean I'd automatically take a solution to it, even if it were handed to me."

"Why ever not?" Rose asked.

"Surely, by now even you must have some small grasp of the repercussions of changing the universe," the Doctor explained. "Even the smallest mistake can tear the whole thing apart."

"Like pulling a thread out of a tapestry," Adam added, simplistically.

"Sort of," the Doctor agreed.

"At any rate, we can't put history back the way it was," Jesse remarked.

"Why not?" Rose asked.

"Well, think about it," Adam replied. "The Jesse from this period has probably already gone in for the interview, and we know for a fact that he's not going to get the job he needs to prevent this from happening."

"Oh, I get it," Rose reasoned. "He'll go through the same eight years again, and turn into you."

"Exactly," Jesse replied.

"So what do we do now?" Adam asked.

"You three," the Doctor replied, "stay here and guard the TARDIS."

"I don't see how that'll help much," Adam said. "Besides, what are you going to do?"

"I have a feeling that a few good words from our dear Doctor here may be just the thing I need," Jesse commented. "Especially if they wind up in the right ears."

"Exactly," the Doctor replied. "Won't be long, I promise."

A few moments later, the Doctor was inside the journalism department's temporary offices.

"But, I don't understand, Doctor," Garnet said. "Jesse's interview wasn't really all that great. How can it be that he's the one we should have as a news intern?"

"He's not the one, but from what I've got to know of the man, he's definitely worth making an exception for, maybe having a second intern this year," the Doctor explained.

"You sound awfully sure of that," Garnet replied.

"I am, and I can be," the Doctor explained further, "because I've seen what Jesse Shearer can do. And I can tell you this about the man: if there's one person here that deserves the exception I'm suggesting, it's him."

"But what about the others who are interviewing better than him? Don't they deserve a chance as well?"

"Certainly, they do," the Doctor replied. "And I would recommend picking the best person available for the internship. I'm only suggesting keeping an open mind to the possibility of a second internship position this year and filling it with my patient."

"Why?" Garnet asked. "What's your reasoning?"

"Because I've dealt with others like Mister Shearer, and he's the sort that tends to do stupid things when he thinks he can make up for a past mistake," the Doctor told him. "It might be next week, might not be for another ten years, but he's going to do something stupid and ruin a lifetime's worth of work. Giving him a chance now might prevent that."

"I will certainly keep that in mind, then," Garnet said.

"That's all the more I can ask," the Doctor agreed. "Good luck in finding the proper candidate for your primary position."

"Thank you, sir," Garnet replied. "I hope Jesse's treatments work out as well."

"Thank you again," the Doctor said, turning to depart. A moment later, he was approaching the TARDIS, with Rose, Adam, and a noticeably thinner Jesse were waiting.

"How'd it go?" the new version of Jesse asked.

"Fantastic," the Doctor answered, apparently the only one aware of the changes.

"Good, great!" Jesse replied as Rose gave him a quick hug before going to the Doctor and trying to give him a peck on the cheek. "How's about we hop over to breakfast at the Union? I, ah, sorta promised the guys I'd get them something…"

"The guys?" Adam asked.

"You know, Mike, Tom, and Stephanie, the guys on my show," Jesse explained. "I promised I'd bring them back some egg and cheese croissants since they don't serve them back in 2007, just as a way to prove I was here."

"Makes sense," Rose said.

"On we go, then," the Doctor said, suggesting that the foursome be on their way, and after a brief stop the next morning, Jesse directed his time-traveling subjects to a park area, where they saw a camera crew filming what had become Jesse's television show. In front of the cameras were a thin man about Jesse's height dressed as if he were in a Western; a tall, heavyset man in a jumpsuit with a nametag reading "MIKE" stitched into the front; and a lovely woman dressed in the stereotypical French maid costume. The cowboy came and handed all four wireless lapel microphones.

"So, did you actually get back to when we were in college?" the jumpsuit clad man asked.

"You better believe it, Mike," Jesse answered. "It was just the way we remembered."

"Did you get the proof?" their ladyfriend asked.

"Yes I did!" Jesse proclaimed, tossing her a paper bag. "Catch!"

"What have we here?" she asked, opening the bag and removing one of the sandwiches. "A sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich! I haven't had one of these in almost a decade!"

"So, what's it like traveling through time in the TARDIS?" the cowboy asked.

"Well, I can tell you this, Tom," Jesse began. "It may only look like your typical three-person phone booth, but the bridge of the Enterprise-D is not as freaking big as it is in there. And what's really great is that you barely even know you're moving until you step out and it's a different place and a different year."

"How do you explain that, Doctor?" Tom enquired.

"Well, you probably don't have enough time on your show for all the details," the Doctor said, "but I can sum it up as alien technology."

"That'll have to do," Jesse replied. "Thanks for stopping by."

"You're quite welcome," the Doctor said as Adam and Rose re-boarded the TARDIS.

"And that wraps up another time-travelers episode," Stephanie said, as the Doctor joined his companions. "Thank you to the Doctor and his companions for their time."

"Costumes provided by the SDSU Theater Department, and equipment purchased from Cameras and More in Sioux Falls," Mike added.

"All Paranormal South Dakota material is copyright Warp Power Studios, Incorporated, 2007 and broadcast on your local Public Broadcast Station and public access channel," Tom continued.

"This week's shoutouts go to captioneers everywhere, especially at Inventing Situations and GlitterRock's Cap-Page Board for being so damn funny; and the Lone Gunmen on the East Coast for bringing the Doctor to our attention," Jesse conluded. "I'm Jesse Shearer."

"I'm Sephanie Jones," Stephanie added.

"This is Tom Cheney," Tom said.

"And I'm Mike Smyth," Mike finished. "Signing off for…"

"PARANORMAL SOUTH DAKOTA!" all four shouted, pointing into the camera.

A moment later, Adam looked up from the screen to the Doctor and Rose. The Doctor had a satisfied grin on his face.

"OK, so what just happened there?" Adam asked.

"I'd say we fixed his telly broadcast," the Doctor told him.

"I'd say," Rose commented. "Wasn't he doing a cartoon when all this started?"

"Yeah," Adam said. "Why the oddball show like that?"

"Well, anything's possible if you look at it the right way," the Doctor explained. "Anyway, we'd best be off to the year two-hundred-thousand. I can't say how much longer the fun there will wait."

"It does sound interesting," Adam said.

"You'll just have to see it," Rose told him. And with that, the timeship sped forward through the millennia to its next adventure.


End file.
